THE DEEP MYSTERY OF ADAM AND EVE

The following text has been cut from a post to the email group "Anthropos-views" early in 1999:

Daniel wrote:
Researchers found two bodies frozen in an Alaskan glacier. The researchers determined that it was Adam and Eve. How did they determine this?

Janet wrote:
My guess...they had no navels?

Tarjei (alias Pastor Straume) writes:
Anthropologists are comedians, and they deserve their share of applause for their Archie Bunker style one liners. A few years ago I read in a popular science magazine that prominent anthropologists now could explain how the humanoid ape developed the erect posture of the spine. You see, when the clever male monkey had discovered fire, and the female monkey had to carry wood into the cave, she had to straighten up her back to do this carrying. This is how her offspring got their more and more erect spines, and this wood-carrying business explains the deepest mystery of all what Homo Sapiens is concerned.

And now these over-educated clowns and comedians from our finest and most expensive universities have found Adam and Eve in Alaska. Which reminds me of Pastor Straume's theology of the Book of Genesis. Yes folks, I'm a comedian too, and I have my own theory of evolution that reconciles Darwin with fundy creation science! You see, when priests and pastors and artists and people in general talk about the Garden of Eden, about Adam and Eve and the Fall and all that, they're talking about an apple tree, that the apple was the forbidden fruit. Where do they get this apple from? Not from the Bible. It must be something about the American Bible belt and apple pie, but I did indeed read somewhere that the Tree of Knowledge was a banana tree. Anyway, some theologian thought so. Which really set my imagination spinning. It makes perfect sense. And every time I visit those adult websites and see all them women doing kinky things with bananas, I understand what Eve was up to, and why sex is associated with Original Sin.

You see, my dear fellow subscribers, when the forbidden banana became the prime diet of Adam and Eve and their offspring, they climbed the trees and became hairy and degenerated into monkeys. That was the curse, folks. It's also possible that the banana had such an immediate magic effect that when Jehovah came looking for Adam and Eve but couldn't find them, they were up in the trees already, screeching and throwing coconuts and banana peels at him, and decorating their genitalia with leaves and flowers. No wonder he got mad and kicked them out.

I think my theory not only reconciles Darwin and the Bible (it was a big hit on talk.origins), but it lends credence to social darwinism. Anthropologists are always studying monkeys to explain the human soul, based upon the theory that we are all monkeys who somehow lost our fur, straightened up our spines, and began to talk, read, and write and so on. And as Rudolf Steiner once pointed out, the social anthropologist doesn't say "Not I, but Christ in me" like the apostle Paul. On the contrary, he says, "Not I, but the fully developed monkey in me." (Does anybody remember a reference on that one?)

Cheers from Pastor Straume

P.S. For those of you who may have missed it, there are photos of my blessing the local congregation at the following URLs:

http://uncletaz.com/anarchistphotos/blessing1.html
http://uncletaz.com/anarchistphotos/blessing2.html